Newport Manners & Etiquette: Handling Lustful Advances, Umbrella Etiquette, + Wedding Registries
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Footsie under the table
Q. There is a gorgeous woman in my office who makes overly friendly, unwanted, and even salacious advances toward me. Everyone knows we are both married so when coworkers see her sitting on my desk or rubbing my thigh under the table I look the other way. When colleagues rib me, saying, "You lucky dog," and want to know what's going on, I tell the truth. Nothing. She's a big flirt. How do I stop her advances and keep my job? She's my boss. Name Withheld
A. Come clean. Tell your gorgeous boss -- the flirt -- that it makes you uncomfortable when she plays footsie under the table.
- Ask if you can just be friends. When she hears the word "friends," she may well back off. Negotiating the relationship will most likely buzz kill any lusts for romance.
Non-monogamies are increasingly popular and it has become acceptable for women in the workplace to be living a lifestyle more like a man in terms of sex. Women often take the lead in finding new couples to swing with, because it is less threatening when the woman makes the first advances by doing the foreplay. Find out her intentions.
- There are couples in good marriages who engage in sex with new partners or multiple partners.
- You could always suggest a designer relationship that is agreed upon by you and your wife. Boundaries would need to be hashed out between you, your wife, your boss and her husband to design the kind of relationship that would work for all of you.
Nonetheless, if monogamy isn't working for your boss, she may be so self-involved that swinging wouldn't work.
- Sex is 90% of a bad relationship, 20% of a good one. If she thinks swinging will enhance her marriage, perhaps it will, but it will not solve the problem for you.
- If your boss is lascivious because she doesn't have a good relationship with her husband, any assignation may end badly.
So if your boss rebuffs your bid to be "just friends," find out why. If you and your wife aren't into swinging, tell her that. It may stop your boss's lustful advances. Either way, she'll playfully tease you. You can always resort to greeting her by saying, "What's up my friend?"
Wedding registries 2017
Q. What should we know about setting up our wedding register? We're in our early thirties and getting married in the fall. Since our engagement party we're already sending back engagement presents -- from all over the country -- that we didn't need (or like). KW, Raleigh, NC
A. Take an inventory of what you need. As you both had probably set up households by the time you reached 30, go through your stuff. Make up the registry together because you're essentially requesting items that you will be living with for a very long time.
- Most newlyweds appreciate having new linens, especially if they had previously lived with a different person, so you may want to recycle linens used during a past romance. You can have these fresh towels and bedding monogrammed on your own to be sure you have the monogram the way you want it.
- Bar glasses and wine glasses - because of their fragility they are usually the most needed of all items. Order in sets of twelve - guests can buy them for you in pairs.
- Flatware: If you already have a kitchen set, add sterling silver (or plate) that you'll actually use, such as candle sticks, and serving pieces, as well as utensils.
- Kitchen appliances are useful, but register for those you will actually use: a wine cooler, toaster oven, blender, espresso machine, etc. Will you really use that Mixmaster more than every two years?
- Kitchen tools that you don't already have: You don't want to end up with four carrot scrapers and you still don't have a can opener.
- Kitchen linens: dish towels, potholders, and easy-care cloth napkins, placemats, and hand towels.
Since your wedding guests are scattered around the country, what you should be aware of is that we're finding that wedding presents from guests living in different areas of the country will differ.
- Guests from the northeast and midwest will most likely spend more on your wedding present than guests living in the south or the west.
- With the average gift from a family member or good friend valued at $200, guests you're not as close to and coworkers will spend $100.
- So register for items in a wide price range from $12. to $2,000.
- Guests from the northeast are more likely to send checks or gift cards. Although Midwesterners are using checks and gift cards with growing frequency.
- In general, guests from the south and west will spend about a third less on a wedding gift.
- Younger guests are more apt to send a gift from your wedding register than older guests, who find it easier to send a check or gift card.
- 21% of millennials (27% woman and 16% men) surveyed said that they often couldn't afford to attend a wedding and send a wedding gift and so had to regret a few wedding invitations.
- Offer suggestions such as having guests go in on sharing the cost of an Airhub rental instead of paying for a hotel rooms.
- Also, let guests know (on your wedding website) that they can contribute to your honeymoon for as little as $25 or $50, which gives a bit more flair to a gift than sending a whisk from the wedding registry.
*Best honeymoon registries: Honeymoon Wishes, Wanderable, Honeyfund, Zola.
Q. This may seem like an old-fashioned question, but what is proper umbrella etiquette? When I get out of the subway and then while walking a few blocks to my office I'm coming up against an army of big black umbrellas, which way is up? Addie, Brooklyn
A. You probably know this first part. Climbing up the stairs from the subway unfurl your umbrella slowly because you obviously don't want to poke an eye.
- Once unfurled, keep the handle of your umbrella close to your chest so that you take up as little space as possible while navigating the oncoming foot traffic, as well as those in back of you trying to push past you.
- Walk to the right and when turning keep to the right.
- If you are tall, keep your umbrella high up so as not to tangle with shorter umbrellas. There are more shorter umbrellas than taller ones.
- When you arrive at the entrance to your office building shake out your umbrella while furling it inward.
*While sharing an umbrella with another person, the taller person holds the umbrella over the shorter person.
Using Ms. or Mrs.
Q. I work at a real estate agency and I'm writing to the owner of a house I am contracting to sell for her. She is married, but I don't know the status of her marriage. The house is in her name. How do I address her, as Mrs. Jane Jones or Ms. Jane Jones? She is 65 and rather conservative. BM, Newport
A. You got me at the fact that she is "rather conservative." Ordinarily I would recommend that you address the letter to Ms. Jane Jones, because Ms. is universally correct. But since your client is "rather" traditional and this is a business letter, to be safe address the letter to Mrs. Jane Jones.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
Related Slideshow: 25 Things to Look Forward to This Spring in New England - 2018
One of the best parts of Spring and Summer is the return of Waterfire.
Providence WaterFire has grown to be an iconic Rhode Island event. Starting out in 1994 to celebrate it has grown to run continuously, once a month, from May-November and boasts over 80 blazing fires in the middle of the Providence River.
Boston Calling, the first New England music festival of the season kicks off in downtown Boston on the weekend of May 25 to the 27.
The festival features performances from Eminem, The Killers, Jack White and more.
Playing Golf at Harbor Lights
Tee it up at Harbor Lights Country Club and dive right into golf season.
The Spring is a great time to get warmed up and get some swings in before the heart of the season hits in the summer.
Enjoy being back out on the course. Save the super serious golf for the summer.
Hiking at Purgatory Chasm in Massachusetts
The chasm is ¼ mile long and runs between giant granite rock, sometimes standing at 70 feet high! You do have to pay to park ($5 MA residents, $10 for you out-of-staters), but exploring the reservation is completely free.
Going For Walks/Runs Outside Without Shivering on East Bay Bike Path
You can go outside and go for a walk or a run without shivering the entire time.
Spring is a great time to exercise and the East Bay Bike Path is a great place to do it.
The 122nd running of the Boston Marathon takes place on Patriots' Day. Catch the annual Red Sox early Patriots Day game, then head down to Boylston St to cheer on the runners.
It's a Boston and New England tradition.
The 2018 marathon will take place on April 16.
Bicycling on the Central Mass Rail Trail
Once the streets are clear of ice and snow and the temperatures rise, one of the most fun things to do in New England is to jump on a bike and go for a nice long ride.
There are plenty of bike paths to explore at your leisure, and many cities like Providence, Boston, and Worcester are beginning to make city streets much more bike friendly.
The Volvo Ocean Race is a 45,000 nautical mile sailing race that takes its teams around the world, across four oceans, touching six continents and 12 Host Cities.
The Volvo Ocean Race Newport Stopover will be a chance for visitors to view the world’s top sailors and race boats during the 12-day event in Newport.
The Newport Stopover will take place from May 8 to the 20.
Walking the Newport Cliff Walk
The Cliff Walk is one of Newport’s most famous attractions is its gilded age mansions lining the coast. Entry to the mansions will cost a fee, but with the Cliff Walk, you can enjoy views of the mansions with amazing views of the water all for free.
The 3.5 mile long path runs behind the mansions on the eastern shore of Newport. It is a National Recreation Trail – the first in New England! The majority of the walk is easy, but be sure to wear good shoes; the sand can make the path slippery.
Outdoor Dining at Boat House Restaurant in Newport
Newport Restaurant Group made this a must-visit spot several years ago and now the expected accolades have followed.
The views of Mount Hope Bay are unparalleled.
Enjoy a nice glass of wine with some lobster fritters that had sweet corn and a chipotle mayo and followed that with pan-roasted George’s Bank scallops with a delightful spring pea risotto, pea greens from Allen Farm and a citrus emulsion.
Spring Vacation on Block Island
Get away from the hustle and bustle of the world and take a spring vacation to Block Island and enjoy all they have to offer.
Maybe a spa? a swim? Some shopping? there are plenty of options.
If Block Island doesn't do it for you, Newport is also a great place to take a break.
Or maybe do both.
Visiting Arcadia National Park in Maine
People have been drawn to the rugged coast of Maine throughout history. Awed by its beauty and diversity, early 20th-century visionaries donated the land that became Acadia National Park.
The park is home to many plants and animals, and the tallest mountain on the U.S. Atlantic coast.
Visit Acadia and hike granite peaks, bike historic carriage roads, or relax and enjoy the scenery.
The 7th annual Newport Craft Beer Festival is set for Friday, April 27 and Saturday, April 28 at Newport Storm Brewery.
The event will bring in brewers from as far away as California and as close as Newport.
It is a 21+ celebration.
Get your rods and reels ready because with the approach of warmer weather comes the return of fishing seasons. While some New England states allow for fishing year-round, many New England states have opening days for trout fishing that begin in early April.
Although there is still a plentiful amount of snow on the ground, fishing season is right around the corner.
photo credit: Grand River Conservation Authority/Flickr
Sailing at Charles River Yacht Club in Boston
One ritual of the spring that many New Englanders are looking forward to is getting the boat back in the water and the Charles River Yacht Club is a place to do it.
After the brutal winter, we've had, boaters are chomping at the bit to get back on the water and enjoy our awesome waterfronts and bays.
Time to break those rackets out and hit outdoor courts because Tennis season is here.
No need to go hard right away, ease into the season.
Have a great Tennis season.
No More Winter Coats
It is time to shed those big bulky winter coats.
Instead, grab a vest or a sweater and put those coats deep in a closet.
Summer is Next
A reason to look forward to Spring?
Because summer is next and soon we will all be sitting by the pool with a summer cocktail.
April Fools Day
Time to start planning out what pranks and tricks you are going to pull off on April 1.
April Fools Day is always an exciting day because you never know what is going to happen.
While you are planning your pranks, beware of any that may be played on you.
Get the gardening tools ready because gardening season is just about here.
Head to your local garden shop, find the best flowers you can and plant away.
Lower Heating Bills
As winter will come to a close New Englanders could look forward to spending less money on heating bills.
Although the bitter cold is hitting New England hard, and also therefore hitting their wallets hard, this brutal cold streak will soon come to an end and we'll be able to turn down our thermostats save some cash.
photo credit: Images Money/Flickr
Sun dresses. Sun Dresses. Sun Dresses. With the approach of spring, it means that sundresses are almost back! Sundresses are a fun way to show off how hard you've been working to keep the weight off all winter long.
photo credit: jessejamesjake vintage
Easter Egg Hunts
Easter is a great holiday. It is always great to spend time with friends and family and of course for those with kids, it's a great day for Easter egg hunts in the backyard or around the neighborhood.
PHOTO: Ross Mayfield/flickr
While this winter was not all that bad as far as snow is concerned, it will be nice to know it is gone for awhile and there is no need to worry about it.
Well... we can only hope.
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